Utopic Chaotica

We just finished the dress rehearsal for Whose Aemilia, and I'm so fucking emotional right now.

I still can't believe that I am actually able to follow my dreams after having giving up on them so many years ago. They were literally and figuratively beaten out of me. So, being here, in this moment, is just too surreal.

Thank you to Rachel​, who took a chance on someone who had never stage managed a play before never mind with a bunch of professional actors.

Thank you to all my friends-cum-family who were always there for me no matter what.

To all those out there who feel so alone, that they'll never belong anywhere, and that they're freaks that no one will love or accept or understand: just hang on. It WILL happen, but only if you fight for it. And, yes, sometimes it's ok to give up and fight another day.

I'm not saying it will magically get better all of a sudden. To this day, I still get bullied and mocked and demeaned. To this day, I still struggle to fight for what I want. To this day, I still fight to believe that I deserve all this good that has happened and is happening to me.

To this day, I still fight to not give up. On my dreams. On myself. On living.

They say that the things you learn as a child form who you are as an adult. They say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, let me tell you, at the end of the day, the only they who matter are the ones who hold you when you cry, give you a hug when you need one, and hold your hand when you're scared. And never, not even once, doubt you in their hearts no matter what their words say.

xo

I haven't posted in a while, mostly cuz I've been really busy right to find work and then working my ass off when I did find work. Apparently that's what being grown up means! lol

Anyways, below I talk about IMD, what I'm doing right now, and my plans for the future. It was originally meant as a comment on a post in the BIT Society Facebook group, so excuse the mess. :)

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( The Past, The Present, The Future )

I just found out that I can edit my comments on Livejournal! No, I'm not a paying customer :P

Despite some crap that went down today (i.e. prof marking things based on how much work he thinks someone did instead of what was handed in), I'm pretty happy today.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I think this is what's going on in the back of my head today. Shit went down that I couldn't control, but the things that I could control went relatively well, which is nice.

Guess it's back to me letting the universe show me where I'm supposed to go, but also steer my life in the direction that I want to go and, if the stars line, then it will be amazing.

I dunno if I've ever mentioned it before, but I cannot pull all nighters. I eventually get to a point of braindeadness and then I have to sleep.

That being said, it's 20 til 4am and I'm still up and have been writing on and off since 1am or something. Wrote 2K+ words, which is normal for me at a non-write-in. I'm still 10K behind, but it's a much smaller 10K than last week. Hurrah!

I would like to write 5K in a day for 3 days in the next 10 days, but I dunno if it's possible with all this school work that I have. Hopefully it is.

Meanwhile, I'm constantly amazed but the metamorphosis the concept of my story is taking. It went from scifi with small bits of fantasy elements, to a scifi fantasy novel. I'd like to re-write it or something and make a proper outline one day. ^_^

Also, sadly, not going to the dangerously write-in. I need sleep, especially cuz of school.

P.S. I love The Hunger Games! It was a wonderful read that took me about 2 or 3 hours straight non-stop. I'm itching to read book 2 of the trilogy now.

I was going to post something else (i.e. my experience of the storm on Sunday that fell the main stage at Bluesfest), but my boyfriend sent me a link of a first hand experience about someone who was at the Oslo shooting.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? All I ever see now from people who want to get the world's attention about something they're angry about is actions of shock value.

Why?

Why doesn't anyone listen before they do this? Why don't they do something less extreme? Why is it the only way for our society to even take a notice anymore?

So, day 1 of E3 is done. Or at least the press conferences are. You can (re-)watch them on IGN.com and Gamespot.com I believe. If not today, then soon!

Microsoft
Very meh. The only cool moment was them demoing Mass Effect 3 squad control using voice commands via Kinect voice recognition. Microsoft promised all these things back when Kinect was Natal and they've only delivered 50%. 10% is because the hacker community found work-arounds and Microsoft got all uppidy about it.

EA
Meh. Overstrike was very shiny though. Here's the trailer.



Ubisoft
Overall, they stood out the most for me cuz it was fun. I'm sure it helped to have a comedian host. New Rayman's game (Rayman Origins) and RABBIDS ARE BACK!! :D :D :D Of course, Assassin's Creed: Revelations.

Sony
Poor Jack Tretton. He's really not a public speaker. It wasn't all bright and shiny like Ubisoft, but it was interesting. NGP is named Vita (aka life) and wifi version costs $249.99, 3G+wifi costs $299.99. Quite a few interesting games, quite a few stupid ones too (not fault of Sony though).

Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I needs sleep.

I seriously just want to cry now.

( details of my laptop's death )

I don't know what to do. I have no motivation to study or do anything now. -.-

Apparently being a furry in a fursuit means you're trying to hide something about yourself... I don't see how that's different from acting differently when you're with different people.

I find it obnoxiously annoying that mainstream media considers anything strangely different and/or fetish-y is wrong and shouldn't be done.

(Of course, I'm being annoyed cuz what I said about hiding something about yourself is the exact words a psychologist used on A&E's new show Strange Addictions.)