We just finished the dress rehearsal for Whose Aemilia, and I'm so fucking emotional right now.

I still can't believe that I am actually able to follow my dreams after having giving up on them so many years ago. They were literally and figuratively beaten out of me. So, being here, in this moment, is just too surreal.

Thank you to Rachel​, who took a chance on someone who had never stage managed a play before never mind with a bunch of professional actors.

Thank you to all my friends-cum-family who were always there for me no matter what.

To all those out there who feel so alone, that they'll never belong anywhere, and that they're freaks that no one will love or accept or understand: just hang on. It WILL happen, but only if you fight for it. And, yes, sometimes it's ok to give up and fight another day.

I'm not saying it will magically get better all of a sudden. To this day, I still get bullied and mocked and demeaned. To this day, I still struggle to fight for what I want. To this day, I still fight to believe that I deserve all this good that has happened and is happening to me.

To this day, I still fight to not give up. On my dreams. On myself. On living.

They say that the things you learn as a child form who you are as an adult. They say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, let me tell you, at the end of the day, the only they who matter are the ones who hold you when you cry, give you a hug when you need one, and hold your hand when you're scared. And never, not even once, doubt you in their hearts no matter what their words say.

(Note: This was posted on my Facebook as a rant after a friend was saying how amazing the video Women as Background Decoration is and is posted here for archival purposes.)

(Sidenote: If anyone can think of games with well-developed female characters, please comment below. The new Lara Croft doesn't count. :P That character is a multi-national effort so it's an anomaly. Thanks!)

tl;dr North American society/culture needs to stop thinking like a frat boy. )
canuck_kat: SGA: Weir (no fear)
( Jun. 1st, 2014 07:23 pm)
I haven't posted in a while, mostly cuz I've been really busy right to find work and then working my ass off when I did find work. Apparently that's what being grown up means! lol

Anyways, below I talk about IMD, what I'm doing right now, and my plans for the future. It was originally meant as a comment on a post in the BIT Society Facebook group, so excuse the mess. :)


The Past, The Present, The Future )
canuck_kat: Walker Texas Ranger (death)
( Sep. 19th, 2013 03:13 pm)
Yesterday, the 18th of September 2013, an OC Transpo bus (the 76) and a VIA train that was headed from Montreal to Toronto at the Fallowfield crossing at approximately 8:49am.

Five were confirmed dead at the scene, a sixth later died in hospital. 34 were transported to hospital.

I know for a fact that I knew at least two of the dead. Connor and Kyle both played Magic at the same store I did, and I knew Kyle as he was a year behind me in my program. It's possible that I also knew Connor from Carleton.

Sidenote: I just want to gripe that people still can't get the name of my program right. I would expect reporters to know how to copy and paste. Jeez.
I wrote sooooo much yesterday!!! Like 3 poems. A short one and 2 long ones. Makes me happy. I've had such a creative block lately. I guess I just needed to stop stressing out and get rid of the mental blocks I've been putting up lately in order to keep myself relatively sane.

They're back up, but that's cuz I need to stay sane. It took a lot of ranting and alcohol to get me in a good place to write. Heh.

Also, I just remembered that today is Sunday. Ooops. I had wanted to go to slashers brunch. Oh well.

So I have a poem I want to workshop/edit/make better. Anyone interested in helping? Warning though, it's dark.

Anyways, here's something I wrote yesterday that is not depressing (for once). Unedited and raw (and slightly terrible :P)

poem under here )
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Jan. 18th, 2012 10:16 pm)
I just found out that I can edit my comments on Livejournal! No, I'm not a paying customer :P
I want to find out if it's actually true and if there's evidence that the Mongols were kidnapped and enslaved (but Mongol was NOT occupied, although it's kinda hard to occupy a country where the people are nomadic).

Obviously the first step is the school library and googling, but I'm not quite sure that I'll actually find what I need.

*sigh* Why can't people just accept that people who believe that they are superior are always repeating the actions of those who held the same beliefs?
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Dec. 9th, 2011 09:30 pm)
Despite some crap that went down today (i.e. prof marking things based on how much work he thinks someone did instead of what was handed in), I'm pretty happy today.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I think this is what's going on in the back of my head today. Shit went down that I couldn't control, but the things that I could control went relatively well, which is nice.

Guess it's back to me letting the universe show me where I'm supposed to go, but also steer my life in the direction that I want to go and, if the stars line, then it will be amazing.
I have to say, the concert was lots of fun with lots of amazing music/singers. And it was really nice to forget about all the stress/crap I have going on.

I took around 400 photos, and then processed like 30 lol. Sometimes I think I take photos cuz I can and there's no point besides that. There were also a bunch of out of focus photos, which annoyed me, but manual focussing is hard! I'm totally getting better at manual focussing though, I think.

Link to album: Google Plus link | Facebook link
I dunno if I've ever mentioned it before, but I cannot pull all nighters. I eventually get to a point of braindeadness and then I have to sleep.

That being said, it's 20 til 4am and I'm still up and have been writing on and off since 1am or something. Wrote 2K+ words, which is normal for me at a non-write-in. I'm still 10K behind, but it's a much smaller 10K than last week. Hurrah!

I would like to write 5K in a day for 3 days in the next 10 days, but I dunno if it's possible with all this school work that I have. Hopefully it is.

Meanwhile, I'm constantly amazed but the metamorphosis the concept of my story is taking. It went from scifi with small bits of fantasy elements, to a scifi fantasy novel. I'd like to re-write it or something and make a proper outline one day. ^_^

Also, sadly, not going to the dangerously write-in. I need sleep, especially cuz of school.

P.S. I love The Hunger Games! It was a wonderful read that took me about 2 or 3 hours straight non-stop. I'm itching to read book 2 of the trilogy now.
canuck_kat: (Denna's busy)
( Nov. 16th, 2011 07:48 pm)
Too much shit to do this week. And I just found out that Kathleen Edwards was here in Ottawa yesterday for a charity concert. Grrr... wouldn't have been able to go anyways.

Also, my wireless stopped working for about an hour. Yeah, now I really have no motivation to study linear algebra. (Studying is done via watching Khan Academy)
I was going to post something else (i.e. my experience of the storm on Sunday that fell the main stage at Bluesfest), but my boyfriend sent me a link of a first hand experience about someone who was at the Oslo shooting.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? All I ever see now from people who want to get the world's attention about something they're angry about is actions of shock value.


Why doesn't anyone listen before they do this? Why don't they do something less extreme? Why is it the only way for our society to even take a notice anymore?
SO I finally took a look at the CanCon site and...

wow. it's so big.

At least the logo looks good. Right?
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Jun. 6th, 2011 10:19 pm)
So, day 1 of E3 is done. Or at least the press conferences are. You can (re-)watch them on IGN.com and Gamespot.com I believe. If not today, then soon!

Very meh. The only cool moment was them demoing Mass Effect 3 squad control using voice commands via Kinect voice recognition. Microsoft promised all these things back when Kinect was Natal and they've only delivered 50%. 10% is because the hacker community found work-arounds and Microsoft got all uppidy about it.

Meh. Overstrike was very shiny though. Here's the trailer.

Overall, they stood out the most for me cuz it was fun. I'm sure it helped to have a comedian host. New Rayman's game (Rayman Origins) and RABBIDS ARE BACK!! :D :D :D Of course, Assassin's Creed: Revelations.

Poor Jack Tretton. He's really not a public speaker. It wasn't all bright and shiny like Ubisoft, but it was interesting. NGP is named Vita (aka life) and wifi version costs $249.99, 3G+wifi costs $299.99. Quite a few interesting games, quite a few stupid ones too (not fault of Sony though).

Annnnnnnnnnnnd... I needs sleep.
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Mar. 29th, 2011 08:51 am)
ugh... so pissed off...

why are all credit card transactions forcing me to use mhy chip? I don't know it AND it's faster to swipe.

so now I canMt buy tea at timmys until I get my pin next week and I'm going to have a hard time remembering it cuz I don't remember shit
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Mar. 17th, 2011 09:24 pm)
I seriously just want to cry now.

details of my laptop's death )

I don't know what to do. I have no motivation to study or do anything now. -.-
canuck_kat: SGA: McKay, Zelenka (geeks)
( Mar. 16th, 2011 10:00 pm)
[livejournal.com profile] sunny_serenity, you will not be fucking disappointed! I squeed! I cried! I cheered! I wept! It was awesome! (srsly though, you should only watch today's ep. I didn't really care for the other ones)
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Feb. 16th, 2011 05:42 pm)
Apparently being a furry in a fursuit means you're trying to hide something about yourself... I don't see how that's different from acting differently when you're with different people.

I find it obnoxiously annoying that mainstream media considers anything strangely different and/or fetish-y is wrong and shouldn't be done.

(Of course, I'm being annoyed cuz what I said about hiding something about yourself is the exact words a psychologist used on A&E's new show Strange Addictions.)
canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
( Feb. 13th, 2011 12:15 pm)
Argh, I hate it when I forget to set my alarm. And I wanted to go to brunch with the slashers. -.- I've missed their company. Oh well, next month I guess.


canuck_kat: Lie To Me: Gillian Foster (Default)
Katrina L. Halliwell


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