Oh noes! Out of control!

[canuck_kat]

That's what my dad called me (and, of course, my mother by proxy since she's constantly bitching crap about me).

Unbelievable.

I mean, seriously, since when has sleeping from 2am-noon on my days off a crime? Since when has watching dvds on xmas break a crime? Since when has only getting 70%-80% for grades a crime?

Since when has being true to yourself a crime?

Oh, wait, that's right. Since I was born... cuz according to my parents, I have to turn out exactly like they expect me to or I'm a complete failure.

And my dad wonders why I have stress. (Which he says is due to chaos. Fuck that. It's the discipline that everyone inflicts on me that's giving me stress.)

All my life I've been forced to be what everyone expects me to be. That is, everyone as in my parents, my parents' friends, and a few others. And then my teachers tell me that I should be true to myself and not be what people want me to be.

HELLO! Mixed signals all around me.

Of course, my parents have the most influence because I live in their presence. I can never be myself at home because of what they expect me to me. Of what they want me to be.

When I move out, then I can be free. Then I don't have to deal with this crap and live in this fucking poisonous environment that I've lived in for my entire life. The problem is that moment is still pretty far in the future.

And suggestions from friends and boyfriend simply will not work. I can't say no and say this is how I want to live my life. I can't tell parents to shut up and leave me alone. I can't even compare myself to anyone else cuz they don't listen to a fucking word I say most of the time.

Anyone out there have any suggestions or am I doomed to live in this hell until I can financially support myself?

Comments

[wolfraven80.livejournal.com]

I suppose getting a student loan and studying in another city isn't a possibility? Other than that I can't think of anything especially helpful, I'm afraid...